Not for the Faint of Heart

This mommy thing sure isn't for the weak hearted. A week ago today I sent my 4 1/2 year old off to school, real school. Really, it is K4, but it is the length of a real school day and it has been hard on both of us. Owen has always loved school and he likes this one, but he is struggling with being away from me for 6 hours and having a nap time at school. I swear if he were running for election in 2008 his platform would be "no more naps in school". What he doesn't know is that in about 10 years he'll be trying to stay awake in school and wishing that he could have a nap.

Today he did better but he did cry a little bit and told me he missed me. Oh how I can relate to missing your mom. I probably had that role down better than anyone. I'd like to say it was only when I was 4 that I struggled with being away from my mom but that wouldn't be true. I don't remember having trouble going to school, but I do remember calling my mom many times in the middle of the night from a sleepover and asking to come home. I remember sleeping in my mom's bed when my dad was out of town. I remember being completely homesick at church camp that only lasted a week. Then there was the hardest time of all. Going to college. Wow, I didn't know that you could miss someone so much it hurt. How I wanted to go home. How many tears I shed on the phone while mom was on the other end trying anything she could to reassure me and encourage me to get involved at school. Now that I'm on this side of it I realize how hard I made it on my mom. I'm sure she vacillated between wanting to make it better and wanting to tell me to snap out of it and move on.

The good thing is that I have snapped out of it and moved on. Way on. All the way to Japan on. I still miss my mom. It still hurts not to see her, but God has grown me up. It's been quite a process. Now I'm the mom and it is my job to reassure, love, and encourage. It hurts even more on this side of things. How I would love to make it all better for Owen, but I know that come August I will just have to send him to Kindergarten which in Japan is all day no matter what school you go to. I'm not convinced that we will keep him in the K4 if things don't get better but I still need to be preparing him for school in the fall. I need to help him learn that it is ok to miss me, but that it is good for him to be with other people too.

I've never been a very good actress. You can always tell what I'm feeling. I have trouble hiding my emotions, but I've been putting on my brave face. I'm hoping that Owen can't tell that I'm just as sad as he is, that I miss him just as much. I hope he doesn't know that I cry when I leave him too. And some of those tears are because I finally know just how much my mom loves me.