Full Disclosure

(Jeff loves this picture because it is probably a more accurate portrait of our daily lives then the happy, perfectly posed one we sent out with our new address)

I received an email from my friend Arica last week catching me up on her family's life in Germany and praising me for how well I am doing in Japan. She said it seemed like we were really doing well and enjoying our time here. That is true, to a point. But there have been a lot of times, especially in the last few weeks, that I have wanted to throw in the towel, raise the white flag, abandon ship, and scream I AM SO DONE WITH LIVING IN ANOTHER COUNTRY. In fact I think I did mention that a time or two to Jeff.

In the past month we have had car trouble, with both cars, at the same time. Car trouble is always inconvenient and expensive but throw in a Japanese tow truck driver and that makes it extremely overwhelming. Trying to talk on the phone to this kind Japanese man was very difficult. We finally left it that he would call me when he was done working an accident, I think. I proceed to call the place we bought the cars from, because Oh yeah Jeff was conveniently on call this evening, and they graciously came over and changed my tire and took the "super charger" away. That was 2 weeks ago today. We still don't have the super charger. Jeff calls about it and is always told something about "waiting for a part". Hopefully, it will be ready before we leave Thursday. The other car required 4 new tires. It could have been worse, but Alison and I did have to wait 2 hours in the most disgusting waiting room I have ever been in.
Now we only have one car so we drive home, pick up Jeff from work, so he can drop me off for a haircut. I made the appointment at a local place a week before. I was so longing for some quiet time to recover from my car trouble craziness. I jump out of the car and say pick me up at 3:30pm and run inside. I'm so excited to just be taken care of. I stop at the desk and say my name and appointment time. They look very confused. They say something in Japanese. Then proceed to tell me my appointment has been canceled. It was my breaking point. I started to cry. I'm almost begging them to find me another appointment. It doesn't work. They swear I called on Sunday to cancel. I swear I did no such thing. So I call my neighbor and tell her to look out for Jeff and tell him to come back and pick me up. Oh yeah, it is also pouring down rain and the middle of Alison's nap time. So convenient. I sit and wait for him crying on their couch. Not so much because of missing the haircut, but because I'm tired of things being hard. I'm tired of trying to communicate with the Japanese and with my husband. I want a break. I want to go home. Jeff pulls up and I get back in the car and suck up the tears because I'm not going anywhere but back to my duplex and all the household chores I left undone.



The next few days are a little better. Jeff took some leave and we got some things done around the house. We were efficient. We talked a little more. We yelled a little less. It seemed to be getting better again. Then we got his itinerary for Hawaii and went to make our tickets. They cost a small fortune. I wonder if it is foolish to spend all of the money when we could save it for a trip home but it seems so appealing to travel and it doesn't at all seem appealing to stay home by myself with the kids while Jeff goes alone. So we are going. We're excited. We're not worrying about the money. Woo Hoo!



Saturday night we took Owen to a Ryukyu Golden Kings basketball game. They are the Okinawa professional basketball team and the coach is Gabby's dad. Gabby is Owen's friend from school. We promised to take him to a game. We got the tickets. We got the babysitter for Alison. We were ready. We left a little late. We found it no problem. They play at a gym in Naha, which is a bigger city about 30 min. south of us. We pull in the parking lot and it is full. We have no idea what to do. I don't think I can accurately describe how stressful it was. It was the first time I was scared to be here. I couldn't communicate to anyone, I couldn't read the signs, we didn't have a map, and we didn't know where we were. We decided to give the parking lot one last chance and prayed for a spot. We pulled in and Jeff looked at the guy and said "parking?" Amazingly, he pulled us right into a makeshift spot and we made it for most of the game.



Then Easter Sunday came and it was wonderful. Our pastor reminded me not to look for life among dead things. It is not there. My hope is in Jesus. He is it. He is my rock. He is my life. And to top off the day my friend Erin went forward and accepted Christ. I was floored. God allowed me to be in her life and be there for that moment. So I couldn't believe how consumed I had been about all these "dead" things the week before. How I allowed myself to get worked up and angry over things that really are insignificant. That I lost my patience with Jeff and my kids, oh and my mom. That I got swept up in feeling sorry for myself. Then God showed up, Full of himself and it was amazing!!



So last week was mostly better. But we still only had one car. On Thursday I went to the shopette to pick up a few things we needed for dinner. My credit card got declined 3 times. I was embarrassed. I called USAA and they said they closed our account due to a security breech. FANTASTIC! We have been issued new cards but they have not arrived so we currently have no credit card. We are going on vacation Thursday. Very convenient.



Yesterday our A/C broke. Most of you are probably wishing it was warm enough at your house to use a/c. Anyway, they are here now working on it so hopefully it will be fixed before we go too.



My parents moved into their new home last week. I will never get to go back to Lauren Lane. Not as a resident anyway. Now it is on to bigger and better things on Alsdell Road. I wish I could be there. I want to be a part of it too. My Aunt Fay is there now helping and I want to see her too. Heather had her first baby shower Saturday and I wasn't there. My gift was, but not me. I'm missing out on things. It's been a long few weeks.



So this is basically a really long post to let you know that we are doing well, but it is not without it's challenges. I'm learning a lot from being in a new country. I am grateful for the opportunity and I hope we make the most of our time here. I just wanted to be honest and make sure you knew that we aren't the Cleaver's or something. We're just the Singley's doing our best to make it through one day at a time.

Becoming A Real Adult

I read a book.

I read a book recommended from a blog I read www.thebigmamablog.com.

The book is titled The Middle Place. It is a memoir by Kelly Corrigan and it was a great book. I enjoy reading people's stories and her story is about being a wife, a mother, a sister, and a daughter. I am all those things so I could relate to much of what she wrote. The story is about how she was diagnosed with breast cancer and what she went through during her diagnosis and treatment.

What made me want to read this book were some of the excerpts I read on her website. All my life I wanted to be a wife and mother. But I clearly remember right after Jeff and I bought our first house and I was 38 weeks pregnant with my first child saying to him "Do you ever think we're not old enough to be doing all of this? I feel like I'm still a kid. Like I still need permission to do things, like someone should be taking care of me." I feel the same way every time I hire a babysitter for my kids. I get so nervous talking to these teenage girls who are going to care for my children while I go to some "adult" function because I feel like just yesterday I was the babysitter. I can't figure out how I switched roles.

Every time I go home I have trouble being the mother and the daughter. I love to go home. When I'm home I'm somebody's child. I am cared for. Somebody makes my dinner and does the grocery shopping and the laundry. That somebody is my mom. I find myself falling right back into my role as the daughter even though if I were at my home I would cook my own meals and wash my own clothes, and do the dishes etc. But there is something about being the daughter that is so comforting.

Most recently I have felt this way when I went to Owen's parent teacher conference. I was so nervous. I didn't know what to say or what to ask. I felt like I was the student and my mom should be sitting there instead of me. It's a strange place to be, in between these two worlds. I feel like reading this book finally put words and an explanation to my feelings.

"The Middle Place is about calling home. Instinctively. Even when all the paperwork- a marriage license, a notarized deed, two birth certificates, and seven years of tax returns- clearly indicates you're and adult, but all the same, there you are, clutching the phone and thanking God that you're still somebody's daughter"

This quote from the book spoke straight to my heart. She articulated the way I feel so well. So many things in my life prove I am an adult, but I definitely call home instinctively. If I have a bad day I call home, if I have car trouble I call home, if the kids do something cute I call home, you get the picture. I call home a lot. I still call home a lot from Japan. Although, it's not the same. I don't have the same access I used to. There is a huge time difference that forces me to stand on my own a lot.

"The Middle Place is about being a parent and a child at the same time. It is about the special double-vision you get when you are standing with one foot in each place. It is about the family you make and the family you came from- and locating, navigating, and finally celebrating the place where they meet."

I think moving to Japan is helping me discover how to get through "the middle place". I'm learning how to have my feet in one place. How to be with the family I've made, but still be part of the family I come from. I'm learning to be a real adult. I'm moving forward. God has given me an incredible calling, to be someone's wife and two little someone's mama. And being someone's daughter is what prepared me for those roles.

If you're interested in the book go to www.kellycorrigan.com

Easter Sunday 2008

Alison Loves Shoes



Diva




Project Fallen Runway


Owen after brunch



The only picture O would let me take

Alison and Kaitlyn

Going to Church

Today was a great day. I didn't get as many pictures as I wanted to, but I will always remember this Easter Sunday. Our pastor has an incredible gift of teaching and he gave probably the best Easter message I've ever heard today. It hit straight to my heart. We also had the privilege of bringing our neighbors with us to church today. I was so honored that they would choose to celebrate Easter with us at our church. On the way to church we got behind a BIG blue garbage truck and it almost made us late. Jeff is convinced the devil drives a blue garbage truck. So much so that he just told me if he were a good enough writer he'd write a song titled "The devil drives a blue garbage truck". I'm not sure if he's right but it does seem as though many things in our week were under attack. I will spare you the details, but it wasn't one of our better weeks since moving here, in fact it was probably the worst. After church we all went to the O Club for brunch and met some other friends there. The kids had a great time, but Alison was wore out. She is already in bed and it is 7:08pm. We were supposed to have a neighborhood Easter egg hunt but it rained all day so we will do it tomorrow. We hope you all enjoy your Easter Sunday and celebrate as Owen says "because Jesus is alive again!!!".

ALOHA!!!

That is what we'll be saying in a couple of weeks. That is right the Singley's will be spending spring break in Oahu, Hawaii. It wasn't our first choice but I think we'll adjust. We had planned to take a trip to Tokyo and sight see and fulfill our promise of taking O to Tokyo Disney, but the Navy again had other plans for us. Jeff is being sent to a course April 8-11 in Hawaii which put a wrench in the Tokyo plan. So we decided to tag along. Jeff is taking some leave beforehand so we will have 4 days to play as a family and then it will be me and the kids while Jeff is "learning". I hadn't mentioned the trip before now because I had not actually seen an itinerary or tickets. Well it is official, we leave the beautiful island of Okinawa for the beautiful island of Hawaii, USA on April 3rd. I tried to get my mom to come with us but she opted out. If anyone wants to meet up for a lovely vacation let us know. Otherwise you can just be jealous! :)

Chase Utley in Okinawa?!?

Today was the character parade at Owen's school. The kids in grades K4 through 2nd all chose a character out of a book and dressed up as that character. They got to walk all over the school to show off their costumes even to the high school kids and then introduced themselves and told who they were and what book they chose. Owen chose to be "Superstar Charlie" and wear his new baseball uniform from Uncle Brent. He looked good! Definitely the cutest boy there. I think my boy might be a heart breaker one day. It was a fun event and both Jeff and I were able to attend and we even got to eat lunch with O. For a special treat Owen said "mommy before you leave I want you to give me a hug and a kiss". I imagine that won't happen that often in a few years so I will store that memory up as a treasure. I sure love that little man of mine.

Let Her Eat Cake, I Mean Mud Pie

I'm not exactly sure how this









Became this

I heard Owen telling her "No Alison" but that is not unusual so I didn't dream my precious girly girl was eating dirt. And it wasn't just dirt it was mud. She looks proud of herself doesn't she? Owen never even tried to eat dirt and he is a boy. Life is never dull with this little one.

Seeing Double

Today I watched my neighbor's, almost 4 year old, twin boys. All I can say is, good luck Brent and Heather. Clearly, I am not on my "twin" game. Max and Ben came over for about 3 1/2 hours and all in all we had a great time. No one got injured and no one even cried, but I felt like I was out of control. Maybe it was because I decided to make cakes with green frosting and sprinkles for St. Patrick's Day. Because really what screams good 4 year old activity like green frosting and sprinkles? They seemed to enjoy it but my controlling nature just couldn't leave the cakes frosted quite like they had them. They left with a very pretty green cake with yellow sprinkles to share with their sister. At one point I had two boys washing frosting off their hands in the bathroom, a friend at the door, the phone ringing, and a toddler screaming for "melmo" on the tv. I had trouble knowing what to tend to first. I had to laugh at myself because I'm sure things like that happen to Katie(Max and Ben's mom) all the time and don't even phase her. That is because she is a twin veteran. She is seasoned in how to manage 3 kids, a husband, a house, and even train for a marathon all at the same time. I can handle my kids, most of the time, but I think I need a little more practice on the twin thing.

I do pride myself on being able to tell them apart now. Of course to make it easy today Max was wearing numbers and Ben was not. They are sweet boys and very well behaved. We're going to miss them when they head back to the states this summer. We're a little jealous because they are going to Quantico. Maybe one day we will get stationed in Virginia too.

I'll be praying for you Heather. I know God will prepare and equip you for the journey you are about to embark on. It's going to be a fun adventure!!

(In case some of you who read this don't know, Jeff's brother and his wife are expecting twins this summer)

Easter Egg Hunt 2008

Today we went to the egg hunt the hospital sponsored on base. Well, really Jeff took the kids and I went to the gym but on my way to the gym I saw them out at the hunt and stopped by to see how it was going. Alison wasn't so sure about the hunt or the bunny. Owen had a great time. Really what's not to like? Juice boxes, candy, donuts, face painting and temporary tattoos. It was right up his alley. Alison did like the chocolate candy but you can tell she didn't like when we said no more. All in all it was a good day. We're planning another hunt next weekend with the neighbors so maybe she'll do better with less people.

My Pretty Feet

I finally got my pedicure. It was wonderful and I love my design. I think the best thing about it was that I saw a little girl about 3 years old in there with her mom getting her toes done and I got so excited thinking about all the pedicure dates Alison and I can have before we head back to the states in 3 years. I love having a girl!

Are You Smarter Than an Almost 5 Year Old?

Clearly I am not.

So lately Owen and I have had many talks. These talks can be about anything. About what songs I sang when I was a little girl, about how Konon (a girl in his class) made a mess on the bus and she didn't get recess because she had to clean the bus and that is "not good mom". Or about why we were not allowed to go out in town because some marines broke the rules. I love talking to my boy and occasionally I use these talks as a chance to teach him something. Or so I thought.

One topic recently discussed was gambling. Here in Okinawa there are many pachinko/slot buildings on the way to Owen's school. They also have slot machines in some of the restaurants on base. Owen is intrigued by these because he thinks they are video games. So one day he asked when we could go to one of those pachinko places. I, taking advantage of this teachable moment, began to tell Owen of the perils of gambling. I told him how it is not wrong but it isn't a wise choice to make with the money that God has given us. I told him about being good stewards and how mommy and daddy need to make wise choices with our money so we can provide him and Alison with food, shelter, clothing, toys etc. He was very attentive and I was thinking so highly of myself and my explanation and thought he was surely frightened of the possibility of us losing all our money. After my long lecture he looked straight at me and said "mom you're right, you shouldn't gamble, but when I get older I will". So much for my ability to teach him right from wrong.

Then on Sunday night I was getting Owen ready for bed. He had been able to stay up past bedtime to watch cartoons as a privilege. For some reason when he gets a special privilege he tends to act up more. He is more hyper and has the most trouble listening. Sunday night was no different. He was showing off, not listening, and basically just getting on my nerves. I decided to talk to him about his behavior thinking I could make him understand that mommy and daddy like to give him special privileges, but that we expect him to behave too or we will not want to allow special privileges. I was doing my best to explain it in terms he could understand and then I found myself using an age old parenting phrase "Owen, it's like we give you an inch and you take a mile" to which he replied "yeah, I'm a kid!" I had nothing left to say.

Feeling "Funk"y

Today was a funk day. It started with Jeff telling me our curtains fell down again and that made me start a downward spiral about how I can't get this house decorated, and I wish there was a Target here, and I need to exercise but I have no childcare, and those 5 donuts and half a can of pringles I ate yesterday are not helping my cause, and I have no friends, and when I call friends back home they don't answer because I come up "unknown caller" or they just don't want to deal with my neediness today, I don't know what to make for dinner, I can't believe I need to do laundry again, my house is a wreck and I'm not motivated to clean it, but I really like it here I do, why am I in such a funk???

Thankfully a sweet friend, Kim, called and got me out of the house today for lunch. We are finally able to go out in town again(a topic for another post) and she wanted to break free. It was just what I needed. A friend, a good lunch, and time outside of my dirty house. Only problem was I came back home to my dirty house and still felt my "funk".

My sweet neighbors came over with their kiddos today and it was chaos. These little duplexes are not really meant for 7 kids, but it's so nice to have company. As I was sitting on my couch getting therapy from my friends I asked if any of them had a quick, easy, good chicken recipe for dinner. Erin came through. She saved my day. She gave me quite possibly the tastiest chicken recipe I have ever made and it was super easy and Jeff came home and said "that looks gourmet, where did you get the wine?" I said you can thank Erin for that. I'm so thankful for good neighbors and friends that know just how to get you out of a funk.

Pour Some Sugar On Me

The year was 1987, my brother had just received his driver's license and we were moving from Omaha to Richmond. Since we were driving to our new home, Devry thought this would be a great opportunity for him to get some driving time in. The only problem was that he drove too fast and too close (he still does) and we were riding in my dad's prized Cadillac Eldorado. The combination of my brother's need for excitement and my dad's frazzled nerves made for a great road trip. If you have ever had the pleasure of learning to drive with my dad you would understand that having him in the passenger seat is not fun. I've often said driving my dad somewhere was not a privilege it was a punishment. He is the ultimate "backseat driver".

This was also the summer that Def Leppard came out with their "Hysteria" album and Whitesnake had their album with "Here I go Again on My Own" on it. We listened to those albums on our trip no less than 180 times. It was getting quite annoying but since my parents didn't say anything I didn't either. Well, somewhere in the West Virginia mountains I remember my dad losing it and finally hitting the eject button and saying "turn this s*** off". I think it may have taken him that long to finally figure out how to turn it off. So needless to say when I hear songs from those albums I have some fond memories of them. I tend to turn it up loud and sing along remembering one of our great family trips.

So now we are in 2008 and those songs are classic 80's rock. The kind that you need big hair and torn jeans to really appreciate. So a couple of weeks ago I was taking the kids to church and what came on AFN but "Pour Some Sugar on Me", I turned it up and much to my delight Alison started to bang her head and pat her leg. Yes, my baby is a rocker. She appreciates the finer things in life, like big hair bands. My son on the other hand kept screaming for me to turn it down. What a party pooper. This morning as we were on our way to church the same song came on and Alison and I again started our dance. Jeff and Owen were not impressed. Jeff thinks Alison is going to be trouble. She may be, but as long as her mullet wearing boyfriend loves Jesus than she can rock out all she wants.