Becoming A Real Adult

I read a book.

I read a book recommended from a blog I read www.thebigmamablog.com.

The book is titled The Middle Place. It is a memoir by Kelly Corrigan and it was a great book. I enjoy reading people's stories and her story is about being a wife, a mother, a sister, and a daughter. I am all those things so I could relate to much of what she wrote. The story is about how she was diagnosed with breast cancer and what she went through during her diagnosis and treatment.

What made me want to read this book were some of the excerpts I read on her website. All my life I wanted to be a wife and mother. But I clearly remember right after Jeff and I bought our first house and I was 38 weeks pregnant with my first child saying to him "Do you ever think we're not old enough to be doing all of this? I feel like I'm still a kid. Like I still need permission to do things, like someone should be taking care of me." I feel the same way every time I hire a babysitter for my kids. I get so nervous talking to these teenage girls who are going to care for my children while I go to some "adult" function because I feel like just yesterday I was the babysitter. I can't figure out how I switched roles.

Every time I go home I have trouble being the mother and the daughter. I love to go home. When I'm home I'm somebody's child. I am cared for. Somebody makes my dinner and does the grocery shopping and the laundry. That somebody is my mom. I find myself falling right back into my role as the daughter even though if I were at my home I would cook my own meals and wash my own clothes, and do the dishes etc. But there is something about being the daughter that is so comforting.

Most recently I have felt this way when I went to Owen's parent teacher conference. I was so nervous. I didn't know what to say or what to ask. I felt like I was the student and my mom should be sitting there instead of me. It's a strange place to be, in between these two worlds. I feel like reading this book finally put words and an explanation to my feelings.

"The Middle Place is about calling home. Instinctively. Even when all the paperwork- a marriage license, a notarized deed, two birth certificates, and seven years of tax returns- clearly indicates you're and adult, but all the same, there you are, clutching the phone and thanking God that you're still somebody's daughter"

This quote from the book spoke straight to my heart. She articulated the way I feel so well. So many things in my life prove I am an adult, but I definitely call home instinctively. If I have a bad day I call home, if I have car trouble I call home, if the kids do something cute I call home, you get the picture. I call home a lot. I still call home a lot from Japan. Although, it's not the same. I don't have the same access I used to. There is a huge time difference that forces me to stand on my own a lot.

"The Middle Place is about being a parent and a child at the same time. It is about the special double-vision you get when you are standing with one foot in each place. It is about the family you make and the family you came from- and locating, navigating, and finally celebrating the place where they meet."

I think moving to Japan is helping me discover how to get through "the middle place". I'm learning how to have my feet in one place. How to be with the family I've made, but still be part of the family I come from. I'm learning to be a real adult. I'm moving forward. God has given me an incredible calling, to be someone's wife and two little someone's mama. And being someone's daughter is what prepared me for those roles.

If you're interested in the book go to www.kellycorrigan.com